For the past few days I've been feeling really down.
I've been so crippled and debilitated by self-hatred and anxiety that I've just become so unhappy. Today was no better, and I came home from school upset and feeling really low. But I had already planned to go to yoga, and despite the rain, gloomy weather, and my sour mood I went.
And thank goodness I did.
It's hard to describe how powerful a good yoga class is to someone who's never experienced one. I went into the studio feeling anxious, self conscious, and fairly miserable. By the time I walked out the door, I had a smile on my face and I felt so incredibly centered and just happy.
The class was absolutely beautiful. I had never attended a class by this teacher, so I didn't know what to expect. All the other teachers I've had (which is only 3) have been young and had more upbeat classes. This teacher, however, was calm and stoic, and she just radiated peace and quiet. She pushed me until I was dripping with sweat, shaking, and falling over, and it was lovely. Then she finished the class with a 15 minute savasana, which anyone who goes to yoga will tell you is absolute bliss. The class ended a while ago, and I still feel so centered and grounded it's amazing.
The feeling after a yoga class is one that's hard to describe, because you just spent an hour struggling and sweating, bending and falling over, but then it's paired with deep breathing and peace, which is a wonderful combination. The longer you're in savasana, the heavier your body seems to get, until you feel like you're melting into the ground. And then when you get up after the class is over, it feels almost like you're swimming through the air, but in the best possible way.
This yoga class was exactly what I needed, because I've been spending so much time fixated on what my body looks like and how unhappy I am that it was consuming my every waking moment. And that's not what yoga is about. Yoga is not about how you look--it's not even about how well you do each of the poses or sequences. Yoga is about how you feel, the harmony between your body and mind. It accesses this part of you that's beyond your physicalities and even your thoughts. It may sound cheesy, but it's almost like you are spending time with your soul, and that's beautiful.
I wish I could have recorded everything the teacher said, because so many different things resonated with me so strongly. One thing she said (although she worded it a bit differently) was that we should let our practice spill from the class into our day, and into our life. This reminds me of someone I've found through the internet, Jen Converso (I'll put her links below), who created and tracks the hashtags #liveyouryoga. Because yoga is more than just what you do on the mat. Yoga is a lifestyle, and something that can be applied to all aspects of your life.
I know it'll be a long time from now, but I can't wait until I can be a yoga teacher so that I can share this experience with others. ☯ ॐ❂
Jen Converso-
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